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The next time I say something dumb . . . I’ll feel right at home with these folks.


“Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can’t help but cry. I mean I’d love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff.” –Mariah Carey

“Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life,”–Brooke Shields, during an interview to become Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.

“I’ve never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,” –Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

“Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.”–Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC

“That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I’m just the one to do it.”–A congressional candidate in Texas

“Half this game is ninety percent mental.”–Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

“It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment. It’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.”–Al Gore, Vice President and “We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur.”–Al Gore

“I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix.”–Dan Quayle

“We’ve got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?”–Lee Iacocca

“The word “genius” isn’t applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.” –Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst

“We don’t necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people.” –Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor

“Traditionally, most of Australia’s imports come from overseas.”–Keppel Enderbery

“If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there’ll be a record.”–Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

Nicole Ritchie on her book THE TRUTH ABOUT DIAMONDS: “I’m hoping that – that people will just act like adults and take it for what it is. And it’s a story. It’s a fiction novel.”

And finally . . .

“Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances.”–Department of Social Services, Greenville South Carolina

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